Bedtime Laughs, General Blah Blah

In Defense of Ice Cream

Hey Ellipses, sorry I haven’t posted in a long while. I found this article i couldn’t resist sharing!

“What do Darth Vader, King Kong, and an ice cream sundae all have in common? They’re all destructive, havoc-wreaking villains. But if you look deeper, you discover that they all have a good side, as well. Kong may have made a mess of Midtown Manhattan, but his animal rage was driven by his love for Fay Ray. Sure, Lord Vader wanted to destroy the Jedi, but when push came to shove, he put Skywalker first. And, well, the same is true of the ice cream sundae sitting in your dish.

One is Enough...

It might have a bit more sugar than your body needs (technically your body doesn’t need any sugar), but ice cream also delivers calcium, which binds to fatty acids in the digestive tract and blocks their absorption. And ½ cup gives you 17 milligrams of choline, which can lower homocysteine. What’s homocysteine? An amino acid that restricts blood flow, and by lowering it, ice cream might actually help diminish your risk of stroke and heart disease. And so it is with dessert: If you can look at your after-dinner treat as an opportunity to add something more than just calories, you’re on your way to a healthier (and more indulgent) diet.” – David Zinczenko

Imma get me some Ice Cream now 🙂

JUST Try not to go overboard though...

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Bedtime Laughs, General Blah Blah, Xenolexica

More words deserving a place in Webster!

Markplex – a psychological paralysis regarding the inability to choose which color of highlighter to use

Beelzeboss – the devil in the form of a supervisor or superior that gets into your way of doing work by being impossible and cannot be cast out

Bozone – the invisible membrane surrounding stupid people that stop bright ideas from penetrating

Doork – a person who always pushes on a door marked “PULL” or Vice versa.

Gelation – the frustration of trying to peel off the stubborn lid on yogurt or jelly ace

Ellacelleration – the mistaken belief that repeatedly pressing the elevator button will somehow make it faster

Braggables – the things, actions, or results about which a person can brag

Ignoranus – a person who’s both stupid and an…

Flosstitution – using anything other than real floss (i.e. , business cards, matchbook covers, etc.) to clean between your teeth

Intaxication – Euphoria at getting a tax refund which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with

Sarchasm – the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it

Otisosis – the inability to meet anyone else’s eyes in an elevator

Telecrastination – the act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick It up even when you’re only six inches away

Brandalism – the defacement of public buildings and spaces by corporate ads, logos, and other forms of branding

Buttcall – an unintended phone call placed by sitting on one’s cell phone

Glurge – a sentimental or uplifting story particularly one delivered via e-mail, that uses inaccurate or fabricated facts;  a story that is mawkish or maudlin; the genre consisting of such stories

Barfmail – an e-mail message spewed out in all directions.

Nastygram – a letter, e-mail, or other message that insults, criticizes, or attempts to intimidate the recipient.

Freemium – relating to a business model that offers basic services free, but charges a premium for advanced or special features

Telletiquette – the polite distance kept by one person behind another at an ATM, so as not to be suspected of trying to glimpse that person’s secret code

Snoopervision – a management or regulatory style characterized by intrusiveness or excessive prying

Brandwidth – the amount of brand recognition enjoyed by a product or service

Geeky right? but not as geeky as this..

if you've gone this far, why not add binary code as well?

Now can somebody tell me why “geck” (Scorn, derision, or contempt), a word barely used, is using up dictionary space, and not gelation or ellacelleration?

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"Those" moments..., Author's Picks, Bedtime Laughs, General Blah Blah

Essence of Coffee

What is Coffee?

Well according to our invaluably dear friend Wikipedia,

“Coffee is a brewed drink prepared from roasted seeds, commonly called coffee beans, of the coffee plant. They are seeds of coffee cherries that grow on trees in over 70 countries. Green unroasted coffee is one of the most traded agricultural commodities in the world. Due to its caffeine content, coffee can have a stimulating effect in humans. Today, coffee is one of the most popular beverages worldwide.”

Boring right?

Here are alternative (better) Coffee definitions and explanations:

COFFEE

It’s discovery has enlarged the realm of illusion and given more promise to hope

Should be administered intravenously

Is like love, the more you get, the harder to let go

Deprivation hereof may cause sleep or worse, sopor

A habit nigh impossible to get rid of

Is the writer’s blood type

Created on the Eight Day

What came before life

Because you can sleep when you’re dead

If heaven had flavor

Proof that God Loves us

Was made for the Morning

100% replacement for sleep

The gasoline of life

A food group

When added to thinking, produces great results

When not added to thinking, still produces great results

With enough, you can rule the world, and never sleep again

Is something people sleep for, just to get another

Is not really a beverage, it is a Moment, of pleasure

Often used as a comparison (E.g: I Love You, but not as much as I love Coffee)

It Starts a Great Day

a definition of a woman: Hot, Strong, Sweet and Steamy

A cup of cloud 9

Causes you to sleep with your eyes open

Has an evil twin: Decaf

Smells like freshly ground heaven

The first peripheral

if(pot.coffee=EMPTY) {programmer->;brain=OFF};

a day without coffee is not day, but a nightmare

At 16 cups of coffee a day, sleep becomes irrelevant!

The True Black Gold

Breakfast without coffee is like a Predator without ammo.

Coffee Binge:  That which is necessary to function normally.

makes the world go round, love only populates it!

The foundation of consciousness.

Error running WAKEUP.BAT:  COFFEE.INI not found.

basic need of the human heart in nearly every great crisis

When used with fingernails, you could go on a low-fat, high stress diet.

One of the major vitamins

while(!Coffee) _Panic()

what separates humans from animals

quantity is directly proportional to the power’s of the mind

When it falls into your stomach, and straightway there is a general commotion.  Ideas begin to move like the battalions of the Grand Army of the battlefield, and the battle takes place.  Things remembered arrive at full gallop, ensuing to the wind.  The light cavalry of comparisons deliver a magnificent deploying charge, the artillery of logic hurry up with their train and ammunition, the shafts of with start up like sharpshooters.  Similes arise, the paper is covered with ink; for the struggle commences and is concluded with torrents of black water, just as a battle with powder.  ~Honore de Balzac,

Be a coffee-drinking individualespresso yourself!

Everybody should believe something

I believe I’ll have more coffee.

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Bedtime Laughs

Bedtime Laughs XD

Dear Ellipsis,

Enjoy some LoL’s before bed

Things to do in the bathroom stall

1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbour, “May I borrow a highlighter?”

2. Say “Uh oh, I knew I shouldn’t put my lips on that.”

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

4. Say, “Hmmm, I’ve never seen that color before.”

5. Drop a marble and say, “oh shoot!! My glass eye!!”

6. Say “Darn, this water is cold.”

7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place six to eight feet. Sigh relaxingly.

8. Say, “Now how did that get there?”

9. Say, “Humus. Reminds me of humus.”

10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbours while yelling, “Whoa! Easy boy!!”

11. Say, “Interestingmore sinkers than floaters.

12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop it under the stall wall of your neighbour. Then say, “Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?”

13. Say. “C’mon Mr. Happy! Don’t fall asleep on me!!”

14. Say, “Boy, that sure looks like a maggot”

15. Say, “Darn, I Knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?”

16. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.

17. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your “Cross-Dressers Anonymous” newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbour and say, “Peek-a-boo!”

19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing “Born Free”

20. When you’re in a bathroom stall take a Snickers candy bar with you and when someone is next to you, squish it in your hand and reach under the stall wall and say “You got any more toilet paper over there, This side’s completely out.”

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road
when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.

“My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf,”
says Little Red Riding Hood.

The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away.
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again;
this time he is crouched behind a tree stump.

“My, what big ears you have Mr. Wolf,” says Little Red Riding Hood.

Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away.
About 2 miles down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign.
“My, what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf,” taunts Little Red Riding Hood.

With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams,
“Will you get lost? I’m trying to take a dump!”

(via http://www.101funjokes.com)

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